nothing here to grab. nothing here to hold onto.

25 weeks!

2009-10-27T12:26:33Z

only 14 to 15 weeks left. craziness. i'm so excited to meet her! just not too siked about the delivery aspect. haha. actually i'm terrified. but oh well.

things have been great lately. besides work.. i hate my job. not sure if i've mentioned that a bizillion times or not but i do. other than that things are falling into place.
we were looking for a house to rent to own but with all the stresses that come with that i'm glad we decided to just rent an apartment instead. that way its less stress & we can have plenty of time to save up money for a home. our move in day is december 21st! i can't wait. i've already started packing up some things. haha. sad i know. but i just can't wait to have our own little 'home'. its gonna be great.

other than that i've been trying to eat decently instead of pigging out on everything. haha. i honestly don't look like i've gained any weight except in my tummy of course but the scale tells another story. :/ so i've been doing 45 mins of cardio at the gym almost everyday. i actually really enjoy it. just want kayleigh & myself to be healthy.

nov. 4th is my next appointment. i have the diabetes test then.. kind of nervous since i have a history of it in my family. but hopefully things will be okay.. crossing my fingers.

halloween is this weekend! no slutty costumes for me this year.. instead i'm gonna be a football player while shaun is a cheerleader. his costume is hilarious. i love it :D

'til next time..

17 weeks 3 days.

2009-09-04T17:58:45Z

i can't believe its already september not to mention that i'm almost halfway through my pregnancy already.

time flies.

i'm loving the 2nd trimester though. no sickness or moodiness. i'm feeling great, just getting bigger & bigger by the week. or at least i feel like i am. i'm still waiting to feel the baby, haven't had any fluttering yet though.

in other news, i finally got all the divorce papers & gave the final ones to ty to sign & send back. they said as soon as they recieve them it'll be only about 2 to 3 weeks & we're officially divorced! i can't wait!
oddly enough his gf is pregnant too. weird. she's exactly a month behind me. due on march 5th [while i'm due feb 5th]. so i think that really helped him man up & get stuff done finally.
other than that i just owe my dad about $1200 that he loaned to me to pay off my chase bill.
by oct 15th i should be done with it all.

plus enrolling in my ENG111 class next week for the 2nd 8 weeks. i'm glad to finally get my butt back to tcc. this time i'm sticking with it.

this month is gonna be jam packed. :]
3 day weekend this weekend! i'm in need of some relaxation.
the 9th next wednesday i have a doc appointment to hear the heartbeat & to take blood work.
the following weekend is my momma's birthday! [the 13th]
the 18th-20th me & the boyfriend are staying in williamsburg for a mini vacay.
the 26th shaun has his fatherhood class at 9am then we're going to longwood to visit his sister for family day.
& then the 28th is when we find out the sex of the baby!!! i can't wait for that day.
i really wanted it to be a girl. but now i'm feeling like its a boy. so i guess we shall see.

life is good! :D real good!

10 weeks & 1 day.

2009-07-13T18:05:36Z

thats how far along i am today. my due date is february 7th.
i have a doctor visit on wednesday. i'm counting down til when i can find out the sex of the baby. me & shaun both feel like its a girl. but who knows til a few more weeks.

we've already decided on baby names though.
if its a girl; kayleigh anne [after my mom: whose name is karen leigh]. & if its a boy; jeffrey aiden. [after shaun & his dad, since both have the first name jeffrey.]

i'm super excited though. we've already picked out bedding.

so cute. little fishies.
enough updating for now. got lots to do.
:]

craziness!

2009-06-15T12:34:20Z

so a few weeks ago i found out that i am infact PREGNANT! though its not what i had planned i'm taking it all in & being optimistic. i like to think of it as a detour in the route i am already on.

tomorrow is my doctor appointment. i'm very nervous since i have no idea whats going on.

nausea & tiredness suck. i'm over that whole aspect.

but definitely looking forward to the next several months.

in other news, i can't wait for the 26th. shaun will finally be moved out from tammy's apartment. its just sad to think that i put up with her shit for so long. she constantly surprises me with her maturity level.. haha. i mean really. how much more dramatic & selfish can you be..

passion.

2009-04-28T16:09:10Z

so my debt should be paid off by the first week in august. as well as my divorce.
i'm so excited! i can't believe that i actually stuck with it this time. shockingly.
after that i should have $4200.00 saved up by december. i've decided to give half to my parents & the rest will get used for the above items for me & shaun's apartment. whatevers leftover will just be left in my savings.

everything is falling together!
i'm in love. getting my shit straight. finally getting on my own again.
i couldn't be happier!
<3

the warped tour lineup for va beach:

2009-04-10T16:07:47Z

Anti-Flag
Bad Religion
Bayside
Big D and the Kids Table
Black Tide
Bouncing Souls
Breathe Carolina
Brokencyde
Chiodos
Dance Gavin Dance
Dear and the Headlights
Devil Wears Prada
Dirty Heads
Escape the Fate
Forever the Sickest Kids
Foundation
Gallows
Hit the Lights
I Set My Friends On Fire
Ice Nine Kills
In This Moment
Innerpartysystem
Jeffree Star
Jet Lag Gemini
Less Than Jake
Lights
Longway
Madina Lake
Meg & Dia
Mercy Mercedes
Middle Finger Salute
Millionaires
Monty Are I
NOFX
P.O.S.
Saosin
Scary Kids Scaring Kids
Senses Fail
Settings
Shad
Shooter Jennings
Sing It Loud
Streetlight Manifesto
TAT
The A.K.A.S
The Architects
The Maine
The White Tie Affair
There For Tomorrow
Therefore I Am
TV/TV
Underoath
VersaEmerge
Westbound Train

the bands that are in bold are the only ones i would even want to see.. pretty sad.
don't think i'm gonna go this year.

in other news.
getting my star tat finished up @ noon tomorrow. i'm excited.

me & shaun found the perfect apartments to move into the first of next year. they're great & not too far away from either one of our jobs.
i'm getting my debt paid off. & paying the $600 for me & ty's divorce.
though i think the foreclosure is gonna stay on my credit for another 4 years. ugh. but oh well.

everything seems to be falling into place.
:D

balls.

2009-03-10T17:54:16Z

so things are going pretty great.
me & shaun are perfect.
my goal of paying off my debt is going swell.
& i'm super excited about getting my tats in a few months.

this weekend was really good too. i had fun in maryland, surprisingly. just us sisters.
when sunday came, i didn't even want to go home.
but as me & rachel were driving home mike text me.
asking me what i was doing & informed me that he was leaving for dc in a few weeks. he also apologized [like he always does] about his cruelness towards me. its just because its hard for him to move on from me but he knows its for the best. which i already knew. but its nice to get an explanation every now & then. i miss him. he misses me. i'm hoping to see him soon, since god knows when i'll see him again after his big move.

i still need to get my ass in shape.
i was doing so good last week. then this weekend i kind of slacked off, so i need to amp it up & get motivated again.

i'm starting to get really jealous lately.. & i hate it.
D:

lulabellejones @ 2009-03-05T14:02:00

2009-03-05T18:58:56Z

i'm in love.

don't judge. i'm just being honest.

maryland this weekend. should be fun.

birthday bash.

2009-03-02T19:10:05Z

the best birthday i've had, hands down! such an amazing night with amazing people.
i loved it!

lulabellejones @ 2009-02-24T11:12:00

2009-02-24T16:19:51Z

the countdown begins.
4 days 'til my birthday extravaganza! ha.

i'm pretty excited. wierd. i think only because the past two birthdays i wasn't allowed to celebrate it with anyone besides my family & steve. sad, i know.

me & tammy are going shopping today after work.
i found the cutest dress..

i can't wait to get it today.

& i can't wait to cut loose saturday night. i honestly don't care if anyone shows up besides me, tammy & shaun. i just want to be around my real friends for a real fun night. jai said hopefully he'd make it out, t said he was definitely coming & wanted to get me a kickass gift, bryce will come if he doesn't hafta work, keith is coming & hopefully so will jeremy & his wife. i love him. he's hilarious. plus christine, desi & brittany might make it out.

so all in all. it should be good.

in other news. my momma filed my taxes yesterday. i should be getting back $411 in federal then i owe state $26.
i'm putting all my return towards my tattoo i'm getting for tammy's birthday @ the tatt party in may.
i've decided to go over my 10 stars in black. add a few more going down towards my pubic area and some going up my back towards my shoulder. then coloring some in & give the others shading. & then possibly getting my bird done on the inside of my left arm.

i'm still paying off my bills which i'm pround about.
& i'm sticking to my exercise plan next month. i even have everyday mapped out to which exercises i do & when i rest. haha. but its worth it to get in shape & toned.

things are good. & honestly i'm feeling pretty happy these days.

next weekend i'm off to maryland to hang out with the sista! i can't wait!

countless lovers are undercover of the streets.

2009-02-13T16:58:24Z

valentine's day is tomorrow.
i hate valentine's day. but me & tammy decided to be each other's valentine.
so we're making it a girl's night & treating ourselves to a few drinks.

in other news, me & shaun decided to start dating.
more like, I decided.. i know i know. but i really do like him.
i'm not looking for anything serious. if things don't work out, then they don't. oh well.

mike text me yesterday. just to make sure i was alright. weird, but nice i suppose.

now for my big news. i've done some thinking & concluded that this year is gonna be my year.
i'm doing things for myself this year. things to get me back on track & where i want to be.
i've already set up a plan of making my payments to finally get all my debt paid off. which should be done by the end of the summer. then i'm filing for divorce. ty has been no help at all. & i'm tired of being separated for 3 years now. time i take charge. after thats all said & done i'm gonna save up some money & go back to school in the spring of next year. i'm just really happy to get all this shit done & over with. get my life back to where it should be.

i've also decided to quit smoking & stick to a workout routine.
hopefully everything goes as planned.

i finally saw t & bryce wednesday night. lots of good times were had.
i missed them a lot.

hopefully they'll be coming to my birthday extravaganza.

the walls are closing around me.

2009-02-06T21:10:33Z

i feel trapped.

well maybe not, but i'm not happy.
lets update:

last weekend was great. lots of good times were had as usual.
made friends with the bartender @ paradocks saturday night. he even gave me a kiss goodbye. weird. then come to find out he has a girlfriend.. who's pregnant. nice.

i've been getting pretty bad chest pains lately. my mom started freaking out. so i've decided to set up an appointment with a cardiologist to check everything out. i really hope its nothing big.

my sister is planning her wedding for november. i'm jealous.
i never got the chance to plan my wedding, though i had lots of ideas.

i've decided to step it up on my debt. i need to get out of it, so i can be a little more stress free.

me & shaun planned a trip to myrtle beach in march. so that should be fun.
at least i can get away for a few days.

& last but not least,
my birthday is only a few weeks away.
hooray for me! ha.

it shouldn't hafta be this hard..

2009-01-30T19:33:17Z

boys suck.
me & tammy met up at baron's tuesday night before her class.
caught up on the weekends festivities. it was fun.
i love her.

haven't talked to mike since that day. not sure whats up.
but i've come to realize thats how it goes, he talks to me, wants to catch up, then disappears.
i wish things weren't so damn complicated with him.

i read something today that caught my eye, "i've already found my soulmate, things are just too complicated right now."
& thats how i feel about me & mike's situation. i know with all of my heart that i love that boy. i'd do most anything for him. & i know that someday things will fall right into place. but sometimes i wish theyd just go ahead & happen. i'm tired of always having bad timing. one day we'll have to eventually get it right i guess.

[update]: so mike text me just a few minutes ago & said; "i can't help it that i haven't hung out with you i have too much going on & i don't want more stress on me right now. you're always on my case so i make my choice to just not see you its easier that way"
nice. it hurts, but what can you do. i'm just tired of the back & forth flip flopping. my heart just can't take it anymore.

well tonight should be fun.
me & shaun are meeting up with creeper in norfolk for drinks galour.
then tomorrow me & her are shopping then out for girl's night. so i've very excited.

plus i've been planning my birthday.
a little early i know. but i'm excited.
it'll be the best birthday i've had in a couple years.
so far, all i have is:
getting dressed up. having dinner @ cheesecake factory with my closest friends, then inviting everyone else out to town center to go bar hopping & dancing.
i can't wait. :D

lulabellejones @ 2009-01-26T11:48:00

2009-01-26T16:53:42Z

good times were had in greenville.
me & brandon ended up talking about a lot of things. it felt good to know theres someone that understands me.
me & shane drank lots of booze. got free beer all weekend.
danced a little bit with courtney @ rehab.
made friends with some of shane's boys.
ate me some lasagna at olive garden.
finally saw pineapple express.
got a mint & lots of salt put in my beer without knowing. haha.
good thing no one slipped in a ruffie.
& somehow got a rug burn on my right knee.

i wish i was still there.

adam called me saturday night, when i was pretty much flying high off booze.
& since he was pretty wasted, he decided to pick a fight. i believe the last words he said were "you're only using tammy to get to shaun!" before i hung up on him.
but i didn't let that ruin my night. he apologized to me the next morning. too bad it doesn't make things better.
i decided that i'm over it. i know the only reason he is talking to me now is because his ex went back to school. he'll deny it 'til the day he dies, but i'm not gonna be naive anymore. i don't like the person he is. only on a friend level & thats as far as i'm willing to take things.

i also decided that shaun is a stage 27 creeper. aha.
i can't for the life of me, see myself ever dating him. he's just not my type. i'd rather just hang out with him & be friends but i don't think that would work for him. oh well. somethings gotta give, or someones gonna get seriously hurt.

since we're talking about boys.
mike called me when i was on my way down there friday night. just to tell me to be careful & that he wanted to hang out tuesday. so we'll see. i've done a lot of thinking & i have a lot i want to clear up with him. for my sake. i've had a dream with him in it every night since thursday night, its getting a little ridiculous. they always end good, but i think its only because he says the things he knows i want to hear.
just glad he's not like that in real life.

i need to get my debt in check soon though.
i need to move on with my life, & its doing nothing but holding me up.

i love this record baby, but i can't see straight anymore.

2009-01-23T21:34:18Z

leaving for greenville tonight!
& guess who's coming with.. brandon. again.

he text me around 8 this morning & wanted to know if i'd pick him up on the way down there. apparently he's gotta fix some relationship issues with miss ruby.
but it'll be fun. catching up on things. hopefully adams name won't be brought up too much. singing along to music. & laughs for 2 hours.
sounds good to me.

i can't wait to see shane & courtney though.
i'm thinking this weekend is gonna full of drinking & napping.

tammy's sad ima miss girls night tomorrow night.
ha. but the bruise on my knee is still massively painful looking. hopefully it'll heal by next weekend.

work is getting better. lots of drama going on.
but none has to do with me. so i'm good.

lulabellejones @ 2009-01-20T14:17:00

2009-01-20T19:27:34Z

the weekend was fun!
especially saturday night, girls night! ha.
me & tammy started drinking early around 3pm at macarthur mall.
then headed back to her apt to get ready. she even curled my hair. mike called & told us that we should come out to indra on granby st since he was bouncing. we didn't hafta wait in line or pay. which was good. i saw mike. did some hugging & talking. then got our drink on. me & desi danced. then somehow she made me fall frontwards & land hard on my knees. we drank more. adam called but i couldn't understand what he was saying. i ended up puking on tammy's shoe in the bathroom. then as we were cleaning up my vomit i ended up slipping in my own puke. hahah. we then decided it was time to leave. as we're walking back to my car, desi face plants on the sidewalk & busted open her knee. yikes. apparently girl's night is a little too dangerous. aha.
we all woke up like lots of soreness & bruises. next time, there will be no blood or puke. promise.
we finally made it back to the apt around 2:30 ish. shaun was home so i talked to him for a bit.
i ended up changing & leaving. i headed over to mikes. we had fun. good talks & jokes.
he woke me up around 9ish to give me some tylenol for my pain. then kissed & loved on me until he had to leave for football. sometimes he just makes me melt.
so cute i swear.
the rest of the weekend consisted of relaxing & hanging outage. i even saw my bloody valentine. nasty.
this weekend i'll be heading to greenville to visit my lovelys. i'm excited.
& hopefully me & mike will be hanging out tomorrow after work.

work blows. a lot! but other than that, life is pretty decent.

lulabellejones @ 2009-01-16T11:57:00

2009-01-16T16:56:34Z

"how are things with you & shaun.." -adam
"there is no me & shaun. we're just friends. he's working on the whole clingy thing. why do you wanna know?" -me.
"cause i feel like you really do like him"- adam.
"no, i mean i like him a bit. but not enough to date him." -me.
"yeah he took my place" -adam.

lordy. why are boys so dumb. i don't get it. first mike with his attitude about dating yesterday. then shaun still smothering me. now adam thinking stupid things.

i just don't get it.

well, thank goodness i have a 3 day weekend.
lots of drinking, hanging outage & relaxing.
maybe even a little bit of creeping with tammy. ahaha.

sounds perfect.

"boys are poopy."

2009-01-15T21:05:12Z

-words of tammy.

i'm officially done with them for awhile.

shaun- too clingy all the time. wants a relationship, but i don't.
adam- too distant. still unsure whats up with him.
mike- too confusing. biggest flip-flopper i've ever met.

psh. i have more important things to worry about right now.

plus i don't need anymore bruises on my heart.

lets add to the mayhem.

2009-01-13T13:31:02Z

as if things weren't hectic enough in my head right now.

i woke up this morning to a text from adam. the same ol' "i miss you".
so i text him back & come to find out he wants to hang out very soon. but not necessarily with everyone else, just me. since i'm the only one he's missed. weird.
& on top of that when i mentioned that shaun now has strong feelings for me, just like he had predicted. he comes back with "i probably care about you more than him." seriously?
he definitely has a funny way of showing it, to which he stated to just trust him.

i have no idea whats going on. after more than a month without seeing him & really talking to him i've come to the conclusion that it did infact have something to do with morgan. not that i would've been upset if he would've just been honest with me. but knowing that he more than likely lied to me sucks.

who knows. maybe when i finally do see him we can get everything out in the open.
theres a lot he needs to tell me. & a lot i need to tell me. especially about shaun & mike.

crazy tuesdays i swear.

lulabellejones @ 2009-01-12T14:17:00

2009-01-12T19:24:06Z

on a different note.

this past weekend was great. i saw a few faces that i haven't seen in awhile.
lots of hugs were given out, plus good conversations.

i'm still unsure how i'm feeling about the whole "love" life. me & tammy have been talking today, and it got me thinking about what to do. i honestly have no clue.
on one hand, i have shaun who is this amazing guy. very sweet & always there for me. i love hanging out with him & he is constantly making me laugh. the only downside to that is the fact that he informed me that he was in fact falling in love with me. not good. maybe its the simple fact that i'm nowhere near that feeling for him. not saying that someday i couldn't be, but as of now i'm not. & i don't want him getting hurt.
then theres mike. no point in getting into everything i love about him. it would take way too long. i just know that i love him, & i probably always will. i mean its almost been 3 years with the same feelings. so i'm almost positive they will not fade. not anytime soon anyway. hes perfect for me, as i am with him. its just always bad timing for us. just once i'd like to get it right. get our lives going at the same pace, in the same direction. i think that is what it keeping my feelings at a stand still with shaun. i'm just afraid that if i even start to give him an idea that i want to date then mike will come along & sweep me off my feet & he'll be left hurt. i don't want that.
but at the same time i'm hurting him by having things stay the way they are now.
either way he'll be hurt. i'm sure of it.
& thats what makes me angry. angry with myself. for putting him in a position like this.
i mean i was in that position before. with no less than mike of all people. & i know how it feels.
i just wish i knew what was going on in everyones heads, including my own.
then maybe i could make a logical decision.

lulabellejones @ 2009-01-12T14:16:00

2009-01-12T19:12:03Z

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long long time
I've got a good life now I've moved on
So when you cross my mind

I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

We could sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes they might be the best days
We will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past

So try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away

No we'll never know
What might have been

end of '08.

2009-01-08T20:29:14Z

the new year has started off alright, i suppose.
not liking my job. but whats new.
hopefully i'll find another one soon.

besides that everything has been great.
hung out mike on monday. amazing amazing amazing.
so we're "test driving" till march. then he'll decide if he's leaving to move to dc for a year.
or if i'm worth staying in va for.
finally getting my new tires put on my jeep tomorrow.

& i've decided to start working my ass off.
not that i want to lose weight. just tone up.
i guess you could say its my new years resolution.

happy new years!

2008-12-31T21:31:29Z

last night consisted of hanging out at shaun & tammy's with them & shaun's momma. drinking beer. eating pizza. helping unpack. & random funness. ha. i love them.

i miss t & bryce.
& i'm pretty sure they miss me.

well tonight, after much debating i've decided to go to tammy's apartment. pregame with her & shaun then head out to brandon's. since my two haters won't be there, it should be good times. though shaun said he'll take me back to the apartment whenever i feel like leaving. so i'll be crashing there tonight. no need to be out on the roads with the cops & drunks if i don't have to, you know.
so i'm hoping it'll be fun. but its almost guaranteed to be.
good times. great drinks. awesome friends.
i can't wait.

then back to work on friday.
shitty.

lulabellejones @ 2008-12-30T10:28:00

2008-12-30T15:32:46Z

this world keeps running faster into a new disaster
so i run to you

christmas was great.
i got new tires for my jeep, a new winter coat & a gazelle. plus other things that i didn't think i'd get. my family is amazing.

things have been pretty great lately.
don't really have a reason to be happy, but i am.

my friends are awesome. i've been having some of the best times with tammy & shaun lately.
i even met up with mike on saturday. we hung out for most of the day. went to lunch. talked a lot. shopped a little bit. saw marley & me. then ended it all with a few kisses. odd. ha. but i was informed that we are infact getting married. news to me. but he insists that we are.
for now we are just taking baby steps. hanging out again this weekend & seeing what happens.
he's decided not to leave yet again because of me. i hope this time he sticks to his guns.

tomorrow i have to work. shitty.
but then i'm getting dressed up & hanging out with shaun at him & tammy's new apartment. making our own ruby relaxers & having awesome new years eve fun.
i would go to brandon's with everybody else, but i'm not looking to bring in the new year with drama.

i'm feeling good.
& i've felt motivated to work out finally.
come summer i'll be toned & fit. i can't wait.

lulabellejones @ 2008-12-23T09:17:00

2008-12-23T14:16:11Z

"I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good. The idea that this is it, this is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. To decide that I will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem is very difficult for me.

I told him I could not be with just one man for the rest of my life, which was a lie but I said it anyway. He asked me if I thought I was a squirrel, collecting men like nuts to put away for cold winters. I thought it was quite funny. Then he said something that hurt my feelings. The tone changed drastically. Then I misunderstood what he was saying. I thought he meant that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted to break up.

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much.

When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing.

Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost.

Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drink up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.

There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."

christmas is quickly approaching; i'm excited!
:D

hung out with jai & t the other night. lots of drunken fun. hopefully it won't be months til we do that again.

tonight i'm hoping to go out for a couple drinks with shaun & tammy. then look at christmas lights.
& tomorrow shane should be in town. so we'll be hanging out most of the day.

i love the holidays.